In this period I feel constantly tired or like I don’t have enough time to take care of my hobbies. I planned to write one article per week and the first two months of my job I always found the time for that, sometimes even more. But then, week after week, I noticed that I had a hard time doing that, not that much because I lost my motivation, but because I started feeling tired with my current schedule and whenever I have some time off, I just enjoy resting, doing some physical activity or simply I have to run errands.

My job as a receptionist isn’t hard, but the shifts are very confusing and tiring: sometimes I work in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes in the evening. I never know when I have days off and most of the time I’m surrounded by a lot of people who come and go all the time. It’s not that I had a lot of expectations when I was looking for this type of job, I just wanted something in person with a stable income, but somehow I hoped this would leave me with some energy for myself. The truth is probably that I often overestimate my amount of energy, but actually, I’m a person who gets drained pretty easily. I need to sleep a lot and spend some time doing nothing. I’m still doing several things, like playing volleyball, hiking from time to time, reading, and writing, but probably not in the right amount of time, according to my real priorities. 

I don’t think I’ll stay in this job for too long, not because I can’t handle it anymore or I’m feeling disappointed. I knew what I would face. However, I think that our priorities constantly change and I like doing my best to live according to them, when it’s sustainable of course. We live in a very complicated world, where it always feels like we have to do more, prove more to others, work a lot, and never stop. Then, some people find a way to live more simply. I’m trying to go towards that. 

I’m feeling tired right now while writing, In 25 minutes I know I have to get ready to go to work and I know that to write something that feels nice and at least a little organised, I need some free hours altogether. Probably all I’m writing now is just messy, but I still wanted to write something. This is such a fulfilling hobby, it works even better than talking to a friend sometimes, so it’s a real pity to stop or let my tiredness take it away from me. Something is better than nothing, this is definitely a good lesson for me to learn, since so many times in my life I wanted all or nothing and consequently I ended up having nothing.

I want to sleep more to feel more rested and try to organise my schedule better so that I’m sure I have more time to accomplish the things I want. Then, when it’s the right moment, I’ll probably look for a different way to get an income, hopefully, something that makes me find more meaning, like many things I did in the past as a volunteer. 

Today, I’m content like this. I didn’t finish the article I wanted, I wrote something messy, I didn’t do other things I wanted to do and in a very short time, I have to go to work. Accepting compromise is a part of life, but I don’t feel lost, I just accept that my path isn’t linear.